Reconnecting With Yourself
Through Compassionate Inquiry
An example of a client who comes in and says they’re always anxious in relationships, constantly checking their partner’s phone, worrying endlessly if their partner is going to leave them. They don’t like acting like this, but they can’t stop.
In therapy sessions, as a therapist, I would ask if they are experiencing any sensations in their body and where they feel them in their body. Maybe it’s a tightening in the stomach or a pressure in the chest. With their permission, I would invite them to sit with that sensation and stay curious.
The next question I’d then ask is if this is the first time they felt this sensation in their body. And the answer is always “No”.
And then I would ask how far back could they remember feeling this sensation for the first time. This process very often brings up a lot of emotions and this is where I am as a therapist act as a container to be there for them while implicit memories gently surface.
For example, a memory of being a toddler on the first day at daycare, left with complete strangers for a few hours. Young children don’t understand time. To them, this is danger. They didn’t know whether they would see their parents again. In this situation, they have two options to choose— one, believing their parents don’t love them, and two, that they’re not good enough. And they always choose the one that is about themselves.
So, a belief was formed: "I’m not good enough," This belief stays hidden unconsciously, running the show until we drill down to the core and bring compassion into the awareness of it, and then we can choose a different belief.
Carl Jung said, “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will run your life and you will call it fate”
What's amazing about the human body is that it doesn’t lie and it doesn't forget. The body remembers everything, even what the mind has forgotten.
So, the approach – Compassionate Inquiry – gently uncovers and releases the layers of childhood trauma through what the body reveals during the session, however subtle it may be.
It's not just about me being compassionate with clients; the bigger work is to help clients gain insight, find compassion for themselves, and ultimately liberate themselves from patterns they've been repeating.
Is Compassionate Inquiry Right for You?
When using the Compassionate Inquiry method, the client holds the answers. I don’t fix or advise—I observe. If someone looks away or shifts their body, I gently ask, “What was happening there?”
Often a memory or feeling surfaces, revealing the hidden assumptions beneath the story they are telling themselves to get through life. It’s subtle yet powerful.
I had a client who came in with prostate issues. He didn’t expect to cry, but by the end, he said, "I never knew emotions could affect my health." Six months later, his test results came back normal—no medication needed.
This work isn’t about quick fixes; it's about reconnecting with your present moment and your body. When we create a safe environment, your body speaks, helping you rediscover your true self.
